I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
