dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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