how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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