we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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