i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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