His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
