god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
