I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
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