the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The Olympian is in my bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
