I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize