she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
