wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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