Dual....:-)
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize