Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
