We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
