We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm at about main and main street
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
