my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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