U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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