If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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