Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
