words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
