how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize