Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
