Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Im part way to drunk.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
