3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
