I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
