i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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