I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
