I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
