Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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