I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
