i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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