we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i think my mom watched the whole time
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
