Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
