You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
