i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
