You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
