You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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