4 words: hood of his car
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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