I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
