if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
