I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
