at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
