Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
soo... how was my night?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
