She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
