I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
