i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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