Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I could fuck to npr.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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