True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize