Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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