I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
