I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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