New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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