Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sober January is a disaster.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize