Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
