I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Someone came in the potted fern
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize