I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
