I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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