I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
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