Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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