Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
