Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
