I can't breathe out the right side of my face
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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