Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
