I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Congratulations! We have a period
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