I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
