She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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