Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
