He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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