My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
