He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
